So, my husband and I are in a bit of a financial mess, all due to workplace bullying. After trying several traditional routes, and either being denied, or told that it would destroy our credit, my husband created a go-fund-me page. You can read the story here, no names have been added to protect us, and to avoid any claims of "going public".

http://www.gofundme.com/disabilitynohelp

Thoughts on International Adoption

This particular topic has been on my mind for a few years.  I've been interested in international adoption since the age of fourteen, when I watched a program on orphanages on Serbia.  It broke my heart to see children left in cribs, without any sort of human interaction to speak of.  There were no cuddles, no bedtime stories, no silly games to make the children smile and laugh.  Instead, there were children left alone in cribs, forced to rock back and forth and hit their heads against the crib railings for any sort of stimulation.  I don't know how any human being could have watched this unmoved.  A few years later, I was at a convention for the National Federation of the Blind, and had a chance to meet a couple who adopted two little girls from Russia.  The oldest of the two became my shadow rather quickly, and never wanted to leave my side.  Her little sister was more reluctant, and when I asked why, the answer made my skin crawl.  The child was abused in the orphanage.  She was kept in a closet and beaten on regular basis.  She seemed to dislike strangers, especially those who spoke Russian.  It didn't matter to her that her older sister trusted me.  This child remembered only cruelty of her home country.  Again, my heart broke.  I wondered how many children like that were stuck in an orphanage, with no love whatsoever, just waiting for someone to come and take them away?  My decision to adopt at that point was made.  I would do everything in my power to bring children like that home.  I would be their mother, I would love them, and give them a home.

About three years ago I stumbled across a blog of a mother who adopted several children with special needs from Ukraine.  I was always aware of the fact that children with special needs were regarded as second class citizens in Eastern Europe, but I never thought I would see some awful treatment.  The children are again put in cribs, not given any interaction, in some instances denied medical care, left completely alone, and given sedatives in order to keep them quiet.  For ust a moment, I thought I was reading about Hitler's concentration camps.  I started to search for other blogs of families that adopted from Eastern Europe, and saw similar stories.  My heart simply couldn't take it.  Why would anyone treat a child this way?  For the love of all that is holy, it's a child.  A child that didn't do anything, except be born with an extra chromosome/CP/visual impairment/etc.  However, that doesn't mean that the said child doesn't deserve love, care, attention, and happiness.  I still don't understand the fact that these countries treat these children in such a manner, and make it close to impossible for families to adopt them.  It's not as if anyone in those countries want those children.  Russia is acting in a disgusting manner by not allowing families from the USA to adopt their orphans with special needs.  Families are left hanging, and children are left heartbroken.  Nothing anyone says makes President Putin change his mind.  He's set on getting revenge, and using the most vulnerable population as a pawn.  What a sick man.

As I was browsing an adoption site called Reece's Rainbow (www.reecesrainbow.org), I came across a picture of a little girl called Holland.  I read her profile, and just couldn't get her out of my mind.  She has a visual impairment, and being someone who has a visual impairment, and a degree in teaching children who have visual impairments,  I started to make a list of all the things this little girl needed in order to be on track.  I kept thinking if she's receiving pre-braille instruction, learning how to travel safely by herself, is anyone showing her what braille even is?  Is she able to pick out her own toys?  Are people in the orphanage letting her know that she's special, and can do whatever she puts her mind to, even if she's blind?  I knew then that I wanted to take her home, because the thought of her perishing in the orphanage in China was just a bit too painful.  Sadly, my husband and I are not in a position to adopt, which breaks my heart even more.  I've been praying for a miracle since August, but so far, no miracle has occurred.  However, I had another thought.  Not a lot of people know about these children, and sadly, the issue is almost never on the news.  I think that raising awareness would help so many children who are wasting away in places that don't care about them in the least.  Raising awareness can happen when the cause is supported by someone that people either know about, or look up to, or both, and I had several candidates.  There are of course the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.  They're extremely popular, and I bet that if they decided to set foot in an orphanage, people would be glued to their television sets to see it happen.  Once it happens, all the horrors will be exposed, and the general public would be at least aware.  The only issue is, that currently, the Cambridges are expecting their second child, so asking them to commit to something like this would be a bit much.  So, the better option would be Robert Hardy, the actor from 'All Creatures Great and Small'.  He does a lot of work with children's hospices, and he does it in such a way, that no press is present.  That's not a bad thing, because all the attention goes to the children.  Now, maybe Mr. Hardy won't be able to visit an orphanage, but I bet if he knew the circumstances, he may be wiling to make a statement of some sort.  Again, awareness.

Ideally, I would love to start a foundation of some sort that would work with orphanages in Eastern Europe and China on improving the treatment of the children who have special needs.  Maybe send teachers to train staff on how to work with these children so that they're not left to literally rot.  I also want to bring 'Holland' home.  I know that my husband and I could give her a family that she needs.  I have the skills to teach her, and plenty of love to boot.  I hope to find a way to make these things happen.  There's no reason to leave these children to chance.

An Update That Is Long Overdue...

Yes, I do realize that I've not been on here for over a year, and I do apologize for such negligence.  So, here I am, and hopefully I'll be a better blogger after a rather unplanned break.  Over the past year I've experienced teaching first hand (first year teaching is not as fun as it sounds), and have gotten engaged (will be married in February of the coming year...very excited, and nervous).  

First thing's first; my teaching experience.  I'm working in an integrated preschool, with children who are typical, as well as those with a visual impairment.  Last year I had the pre-K group, and this year, I have the three-year-olds.  Both age groups are fun, and challenging in their own way.  The older kids are easier, in the sense that they are more independent, and have been in school before.  They don't need as much hands-on as the little ones do.  There's more that you can teach here.  For instance, we've done a ton of science, and social studies stuff, as well as pre-literacy, and simple math skills.  I was lucky enough to have a rather high-functioning group, so they were more open to some topics that could have gone over the heads of some of the kids in their age group.  I did a lesson on royalty, accompanied by a tea party, and they loved it.  Unfortunately, we couldn't get a real-life princess into the classroom, but that's a downside of living in the United States; royalty is not very accessible.  We explored the inside of a pumpkin, and an apple, learned what floats, and what doesn't, and played with magnets.  I did a lot of lessons of acceptance, being kind, and being aware of what's around you. My students that had a visual impairment were pretty easy too.  I only had one child that needed extensive adaptations, but he was such a smart cookie, that it wasn't difficult at all.  He was so interested in braille, that it became a game.  By the time that he left to move on to Kindergarten, he was learning about the braille cell, and started on the alphabet.  It helped that his mom was very involved as well.  She wanted to know how to help her child (and let me tell you, this one was a handful, so she needed all the help she could get).  He was very social, and we called 'The Mayor of Room 328'.  I think he'll be a ladies' man when he gets older, because he loved playing with girls.  He had an 'admirer' in all classes; from self-contained, to EI (Early Intervention).  One of the girls from the self-contaned class still asks for him today.  I wanted to have them play together last year, but the teacher in her classroom was so nasty, that it was close to impossible to get him to work with anyone else.  Sadly, the children lost out, but that's what happens when one is rude, and obnoxious.  Even though all of my students blossomed, and grew, there was one in particular who deserves recognition.  She was labeled on her IEP as someone who functioned on a level of a one-year-old child, but in reality, she was the highest functioning in my room.  She was very quiet when she started, and mistrusted all adults.  I was so fortunate to have her trust me after a month and a half of school, but the rest were not so lucky.  This young lady was adopted, and came to the States when she was only three.  However, some of her behaviors indicated that she still remembered her life in the orphanage.  She was terrified of getting in trouble, mistrusted adults she didn't know, and hated when someone yelled while she was using the bathroom.  We spent the first couple of months of school just getting her used to the idea of making a mistake.  Whenever she was asked a question, she would tense up, and shut down.  It was heart-wrenching to watch, especially because she was so intelligent.  Of course as the year wore on, she opened up more, and got some confidence.  She wasn't afraid to tell the other kids what she liked, and disliked (even bossed a few around), and got bolder during lessons.  She even showed us her funny side, by taking my hand, and 'hiding' my thumb.  I think I laughed for a few days about this one.  When she left my classroom, she was a lot better at advocating for herself in terms of what she needed.  She knew that in order to see better, she needed a slant board, darker lines, and bigger print.  I didn't have her use braille, because it was unnecessary at this point.  I'm not sure what her parents are going to want for her as she gets older, but I know that whatever it is, they'll be sure to see that she gets it.  It's so obvious that they love their daughter, even if at the beginning of the year they didn't know how much she could really do.  I have no shame in admitting that this child was my favorite in the group.

This year, I have the younger bunch, and like I said earlier, they're definitely different.  There's not much science that we can do, though with this new curriculum my school adopted, I'll have to figure something out.  I'll talk more about the 'joys' of this curriculum in another post.  Their abilities are ranging, with some being on top of their game, and others not so much.  I have a little girl who is an English-language learner, and for the past month, she's done nothing but cry for her mother.  She does understand some English, and has started to talk more, but her current obsession (no doubt used to calm herself) is reciting the daily schedule.  I wish she'd at least try to talk to the other kids, but I have a feeling they're not too keen on hearing how long it is until they go home.  She's very serious, and I've yet to hear her laugh.  I think that at home, she plays with toys that are educational, because she doesn't show any interest in stuffed animals, or anything that might be 'fun'.  She loves her puzzles, and is able to cut with scissors.  She also knows all her colors, and shapes, and even some letters.  She can recognize her name on sight, and enjoys running around.  I hope that as the year goes on, she'll start acting more like a child her age, because no three-year-old should be this somber.  Now, on the total opposite end of the spectrum, there's a young lady who giggles nonstop, and gets excited so easily!  She's my favorite at this point in the year.  She's also very intelligent, and knows her shapes, and colors.  She has an obsession with monkeys, and whenever possible, makes sure that she has a book 'That's Not My Monkey!' with her (she calls it 'The Monkey Book').  She's easily engaged, and loves playing with her classmates.  The day is never boring with this one around.

Now, on to my personal life.  As I said earlier, I did get engaged.  It happened on my birthday, which was a huge plus, because usually I hate that day.  My fiance, Joe, and I met through a dating website, and hit it off right away.  He's into history, has read several of the same books as me, and enjoys going to theaters, and museums.  What I really love though is the fact that he's accepting of my exceptionality.  He simply doesn't care that I have a cane.  He can be heard telling me that I can do anything, which is very refreshing.  He's very caring, generous, and loyal, so I'm very lucky in that regard.  We've had a few downs, but that's only expected.  I'm excited about marrying him, even if the process of planning a wedding is a pain in the rear, and filled with stress.

So, I'll end this update with a few pictures.  None of them are of my previous, or present students, for privacy reasons (however, if someone I know and trust were to ask to see them, I'd definitely make arrangements).

My fiance and I, last November, a month and a half after we met.

My ring.  Like a cheesy romantic that I am, I stare it whenever I have a moment.

My choice of dress.  It's being made right now, but the fittings will start in November, if all goes well.

Guest Post: Accepting Help and Understanding the Needs of Those Who Help You

Just an FYI, the new few entries will be guest posts by Rose (I've posted an entry she was kind enough to contribute several months back).  The topics that she touches upon are very personal (and important as well), and my hope is that the information presented will be of value to those who are reading this.

Everyone in this world needs help from time to time, whether they care to admit it or not, and most people in this world are kind, selfless helpers, when they see someone in need, because they remember what it was like when the shoe was on the other foot, on one hand the kindness of someone who helped them, and on another the struggle they may have had in asking for help. Humans are naturally independent, so sometimes it is a real struggle to admit we need help. Throughout my life I have learned, and still am that there are different kinds of help in this world. When we see a friend who is down, we smile, we embrace, we listen, we love. That is help. If someone we know has lost a loved one, we make them dinner, that is help. If someone in our lives is making bad choices, we confront them, and ask them to do the right thing. That is help. We protect those who cannot protect themselves. That is help. But there are some people in this world who need help round the clock, physical help in order to have a relatively normal life. They need help with dressing, feeding, and hygiene, and all the million other things that most take for granted as tasks of daily living both at home and at school . These are people with physical disabilities. I know because I am one. I also know that there are many selfless caregivers who qualify as angels out there. I know because many have cared for me- most in my own family. There is a unique relationship between the caregiver and the cared for. I am lucky- I am cared for by my parents, and just like any other aspect of our relationship, they are totally loving and selfless, when it comes to my needs. We know each other's rhythm, we know the drill, and most days it flows like clockwork. That's right- I said most days. A lot of people who have a caregiver struggle with accepting help. I never have. Iv'e never had a problem asking for help. But some days I struggle. Some days I probably seem selfish, like I expect the world to revolve around me, which I do not, and ungrateful for the help given, when I am very grateful. Here's the root of my struggle: Remembering to balance every-one's needs when I have so many, and remembering that everyone in the family has to make sacrifices because of my handicaps not just me. Sometimes on nights when I have to shower, I get annoyed that because I have to have help, I have to do it at a time that works best for everyone, not just myself. Same if I want to get dressed, and they happen to be busy at the moment, I have to sacrifice a few minutes and wait. I can't drive so if I want to go somewhere, I have to wait till it's a good time for them. So frustrating! If only I could do it myself..... And in my selfish moments it feels like I have to make all the sacrifices. But I was reminded this morning that that is not true at all. My parents sacrifice hot plates of dinner, sleep, when I need them in the middle of the night, time to relax, and the list goes on. So I think that is important to remember. Same at school- When I was in special ed kindergarten, I remember feeling so mad if I needed the aide, to help me with activities, like circle time, and she was helping another child who needed it. I tried to get out of my chair like everyone else and walk over to the rug like the teacher said to, but without help I fell flat on my bottom. I didn't realize it then, but I was being selfish. There was only 1 aide with 1 set of eyes, and 2 hands, with lots of kids to care for. She was giving comfort to another kid- instead of being mad I should have remembered how good it felt when she comforted me. Live and learn.

Tales From My Life

Today I wanted to share some of my own experience from childhood, and how they helped shape me as an educator and as well as a human being.  


My first story is from when I just started school in the States.  I was in the general education classroom for the first time in my life, and until my IEP (Individualized Education Plan) was written, I had no services whatsoever.  I didn't see anything wrong with that, because I was used to being in a classroom and doing work, and I did that here to the best of my ability.  Once my IEP was done, I started receiving services of a vision teacher.  Now, that's all well and good, but the issue came when the said teacher just took me to the back of the classroom and therefore took any opportunities of interaction with my classmates away from me.  This created all types of problems which ranged from me giving the woman h*** and attitude to my classmates isolating me on the playground.  It was during this time that I learned that I wasn't like all other kids, and trust me, it wasn't a good way to find out.  


This experience taught me that children want to be like their peers, regardless of exceptionality and are entitled to get as many 'normal' experiences as possible.  This means making sure that the child is included in classroom activities and is not ignored by the general education teacher.  When the teacher is including all students, he/she is modeling acceptance, which leads to the kids emulating the behavior and allowing the child with exceptionality feel like a part of the group.  This has tremendous effect on social and emotional development, and gives the student a taste of what things may be like in the workplace and higher education setting.  I know that I will do my best to make sure none of my students feel left out or isolated, and make sure that the general education teacher is made to feel comfortable with the fact that the child with special needs is participating and engaging in classroom community.  I can't even begin to stress the importance of that (and I will, when I write about social skills).


My next experience deals with bullying.  While I don't want to go into any details, I do want to say that it is never all right to tell the child that is being bullied to keep his/her mouth shut and not report anything.  Having been on the receiving end of bullies from the time I was in primary school, I know first hand how demeaning it can be to feel defenseless, especially when the adults in your life are choosing to ignore what you're telling them.  Bullying can be very damaging to a child (or adult) of any age, and it's so important to make sure that the person gets the proper psychological and emotional support.  Those that don't get the help they need may suffer from low self-esteem and self-confidence, as well as depression and anxiety (believe me, I speak from experience).  I hope that at some point people understand that it's not acceptable to allow a person to be bullied to the point of wanting to end his/her life.  So, please, take what your students/children tell you seriously.  It could potentially save a life.


What I have taken from my own experience with bullying is that sensitivity training needs to start very early.  And it doesn't have to be focused on accepting those who have special needs.  Kids who are high achievers, shy, and enjoy different things than their same-age peers can be victims as much as those who are in special education, so I think it's best to teach our students to treat everyone around them with respect, and realize that words have power, and that power can inflict more lasting damage than a punch.  Physical wounds heal, but emotional ones leave scars that cannot be covered with make-up foundation.  Also, teachers and others who have daily contact with children need to make sure that the person doing the bullying is punished right away.  It doesn't matter if it's first offense, because there should be zero tolerance for any sort of abusive behavior.  A remark that one person meant as harmless teasing, can have lasting consequences on a sensitive person who is insecure, and is trying to work up the courage to get out and socialize just a little bit.  

Labels

Today I wanted to talk a little bit about labeling and diagnosis, both of which can have some very serious consequences, especially when they're well, wrong.  Our society likes to have things in neat little packages, because then, people don't feel so guilty about generalizing and stereotyping.  What they don't realize, is that not everyone fits into a neat, little package, and it's important to look at each child as an individual, rather than something that can be found in a specific manual (I'm referring to the idiocy that is the DSM, or Diagnostic Statistical Manual, that is used to give diagnosis for things like Autism, depression, and many other 'conditions').  


I was at a conference about a month and a half ago, and the only reason I went was because the keynote speaker was going to talk about the diagnostic criteria for Autism.  I thought that it would be a great way to learn more about this particular exceptionality and then hopefully shed some light on it for my grandmother, who is very interested since my cousin (her youngest grandchild) may come out diagnosed with it.  Well, what I learned was that the criteria was so horrid, that almost anyone could be diagnosed with this particular condition.  The gist was, that a person that is having difficulty socializing, has some eccentric interests and has high intelligence may be labeled as someone with Aspberger's Syndrome (a form of high functioning Autism).  This made me laugh, because, well, I and quite a few of my close friends would fit into that category.  I remember telling my friend Anna (the creative genius behind this blog) that if this criteria was to be believed, than almost everyone at her parish would have this condition, because they're all highly intelligent, and love things like Liturgical music, cannon law, iconography, and the list could go on.  Oh, and there are a few who are introverted and don't care for a huge crowd of people.  


Now, let's take this into the context of special education.  Say a child starts kindergarten.  The child is reserved, likes to play by herself, has a preference for a specific spot on the Reading Carpet and loves everything that has to do with dinosaurs.  The classroom teacher observes this child, and after a month starts raising concerns that she's not making any friends, and doesn't like to participate in group activities.  Out of curiosity, she looks up 'Autism' on Google and sees that a lot of the characteristics of this condition are exhibited by this student.  She starts demanding that the child be evaluated immediately and put into a special classroom because she's not equipped to deal with 'those children'.  What this teacher failed to do, and what so many others fail to do when they're in a rush to label a child and just stick him/her in a box, is take into account the severity of the 'symptoms' for lack of a better word and how they compare to other children in that age group who may exhibit similar behaviors.  Now, if when this child is placed with her same-age peers that are shy, and a little eccentric, and she acts in a manner that is significantly different, then it may be time to raise alarms and talk about evaluations and what else have you, but if the child acts in a similar fashion as the children similar to her, then the teacher needs to relax and stop trying to classify something that is clearly not there.  Also, context is very important, because a child that is shy at school, may be extremely outgoing in her weekend dance class, weekly Brownie meetings, etc, and that needs to be taken into account.  Maybe school is just not as engaging socially, and the child feels uncomfortable coming out of her shell.  This of course means asking the parents to observe their child in the recreational setting and then talk about how the behavior differs from or is similar to what happens in the classroom.  There are so many factors that play into this, that it's almost comical to shout for a diagnosis before even taking the situation out of the context of the classroom, however, so many educators forget to do that, and end up literally ruining a child's educational career by one wrong assumption.  So, the moral of this scenario is; always look at every angle before jumping to a conclusion.


Now, with labels come things such as stereotyping and generalizations.  For instance, when a teacher hears that a child with a visual impairment is about to come into the classroom, the teacher is quick to assume that the child is not able to do anything independently.  This creates a barrier right away, and this barrier leads to a very close-minded teacher.  Now, the best thing a teacher can do is basically hold off any assumptions and misconceptions at bay, and base his/her opinion on actually seeing the child in action.  This helps create a classroom free of judgement and teaches all students about acceptance and compassion.  


I cannot count how many times people asked me if I counted steps while walking, and I explained that no, I used my cane and vision to find certain landmarks that would help me figure out where I am.  So many were surprised by the answer, because they read that people with visual impairment counted steps to get from one place to another.  It seems that any other way of orienting oneself is almost foreign to someone who has never had limited vision, or was completely blind.  


What I think is important to remember, is the fact that everyone is different and that labels should be used with caution, because not everyone fits into a box or a package.  There are some people who may have a certain exceptionality, but not exhibit all the characteristics, and that's all right.  It means that teachers have to start looking at each child individually as a human being who needs to be nurtured, rather than a statistic that needs to be instructed in a certain manner, because of what some manual is dictating.  Human beings don't come with instructions, so we need to come up with ways to handle that and get a little bit creative.  Labels, in my eyes, take away from the creative aspect of teaching and it's our job to bring it back, one student at a time.

Slight Change of Plans

I know that I wrote last week that I would be doing a series on the people that I consider to be role models when it comes to displaying vital characteristics a teacher for kids with special needs has to possess, but I decided to make a separate page for them instead.  You can now find them under the tab titled 'My Role Models'.  I only posted my entry on Siegfried Farnon, but I will update as my Internet allows.  Please check the tab periodically, because I don't think an emailed update is sent out if I decided to create a new page.  


Sorry for the inconvenience.  Hope you pop over and have a look when the mood strikes you.