Guest Post: Accepting Help and Understanding the Needs of Those Who Help You

Just an FYI, the new few entries will be guest posts by Rose (I've posted an entry she was kind enough to contribute several months back).  The topics that she touches upon are very personal (and important as well), and my hope is that the information presented will be of value to those who are reading this.

Everyone in this world needs help from time to time, whether they care to admit it or not, and most people in this world are kind, selfless helpers, when they see someone in need, because they remember what it was like when the shoe was on the other foot, on one hand the kindness of someone who helped them, and on another the struggle they may have had in asking for help. Humans are naturally independent, so sometimes it is a real struggle to admit we need help. Throughout my life I have learned, and still am that there are different kinds of help in this world. When we see a friend who is down, we smile, we embrace, we listen, we love. That is help. If someone we know has lost a loved one, we make them dinner, that is help. If someone in our lives is making bad choices, we confront them, and ask them to do the right thing. That is help. We protect those who cannot protect themselves. That is help. But there are some people in this world who need help round the clock, physical help in order to have a relatively normal life. They need help with dressing, feeding, and hygiene, and all the million other things that most take for granted as tasks of daily living both at home and at school . These are people with physical disabilities. I know because I am one. I also know that there are many selfless caregivers who qualify as angels out there. I know because many have cared for me- most in my own family. There is a unique relationship between the caregiver and the cared for. I am lucky- I am cared for by my parents, and just like any other aspect of our relationship, they are totally loving and selfless, when it comes to my needs. We know each other's rhythm, we know the drill, and most days it flows like clockwork. That's right- I said most days. A lot of people who have a caregiver struggle with accepting help. I never have. Iv'e never had a problem asking for help. But some days I struggle. Some days I probably seem selfish, like I expect the world to revolve around me, which I do not, and ungrateful for the help given, when I am very grateful. Here's the root of my struggle: Remembering to balance every-one's needs when I have so many, and remembering that everyone in the family has to make sacrifices because of my handicaps not just me. Sometimes on nights when I have to shower, I get annoyed that because I have to have help, I have to do it at a time that works best for everyone, not just myself. Same if I want to get dressed, and they happen to be busy at the moment, I have to sacrifice a few minutes and wait. I can't drive so if I want to go somewhere, I have to wait till it's a good time for them. So frustrating! If only I could do it myself..... And in my selfish moments it feels like I have to make all the sacrifices. But I was reminded this morning that that is not true at all. My parents sacrifice hot plates of dinner, sleep, when I need them in the middle of the night, time to relax, and the list goes on. So I think that is important to remember. Same at school- When I was in special ed kindergarten, I remember feeling so mad if I needed the aide, to help me with activities, like circle time, and she was helping another child who needed it. I tried to get out of my chair like everyone else and walk over to the rug like the teacher said to, but without help I fell flat on my bottom. I didn't realize it then, but I was being selfish. There was only 1 aide with 1 set of eyes, and 2 hands, with lots of kids to care for. She was giving comfort to another kid- instead of being mad I should have remembered how good it felt when she comforted me. Live and learn.